i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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