i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
