wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
