my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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