Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
