You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
