So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Acid is not a monday night drug
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
