Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
