somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
