we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dicks are not precious.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
