i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
