my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
