I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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