How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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