Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
