you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
