Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
