How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
