Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
