I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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