its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
