bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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