My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
