so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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