Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
