If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I didn't notice because vodka
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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