I am puke
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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