I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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