plz talk dirty to me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
