Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
