he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
