SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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