so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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