I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
