Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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