omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
