Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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