I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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