saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
