dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
