She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
