I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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