Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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