I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
