the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
