hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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