so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
