So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
