Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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