Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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