Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
should my penis look like a turkey
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
