I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
