i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
