im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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