He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
