Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
