You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
