How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
