What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
