my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
